Wednesday, July 31, 2013

A little piece of advice for Caroline Wozniacki

Dear Ms. Wozniacki,

We don't know each other, but as someone who has written about tennis, I feel I am perfectly within my rights to give you advice about your personal life. Even if it's none of my damn business.

I think it's time to say what everyone has been thinking for the last two years. C'mon, we all know what has happened to your game, why you have gone from No. 1 in the rankings in 2011 to No. 10 and without a title this season when you should be at the top of the tennis world.

It's the boyfriend. You spend too much time together. After every tennis tournament, you're off to some golf course to walk 18 holes instead of practicing. How selfish of Rory McIlroy to expect you to care about him and his career. As if he should matter.

You know what you need? An anonymous husband. Someone who is there for you instead of the other way around. Someone who is willing to sacrifice his career, his wants, his needs, to be at your side, carrying your tennis rackets for you and (preferably) walking one step behind at all times. He must remain in the shadows, so the spotlight can shine only on you.

Because that's what's best. For your game, that is.

Love? Please. If you want sloppy kisses, get a dog. (Good thing you two already have one.)

Look, if Rory isn't going to stop playing golf and be a good little husband, there's only one solution to your problem. Ditch the guy (keep the dog) and find a man who will help you with your game.

The game is everything, after all. 

Oh, and Ms. Wozniacki? If you insist on staying with Rory, can I offer one last piece of advice for you? The next time you happen to see Gary Player, tell him to take his advice and piss off.

Wozniacki photo by Charlie Cowins
McIlroy photo by Danielbennett98

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